Emotional intimacy is necessary for commitment, and commitment triggers a desire to deepen emotional intimacy. How many times have I given my heart away in short-term relationships?Will I have anything left to give my future husband? Josh, I’ll start by giving some credit where it’s due: none of your books (to my knowledge) contain blatant references to the fairy-tale narrative so prevalent in Christian purity culture.
In a true friendship, something outside the two friends brings them together” (130).
As we discussed earlier with using one’s trust in God to deny one’s active participation in building relationships, on it.
Emotional intimacy is the point in any relationship—between friends, or lovers, or a parent and child—where your attention is fixated on the two of you as a cohesive unit, a merging of interests, enthusiasm, and caring.
In the case of potential mates, such a relationship can (and should!
) happily exist before marriage, require continued nurturing throughout your lifetimes, and won’t be limited to your future spouse.
And while we agree on that point, Josh, you seem to see the development of emotional intimacy as a linear process that originates from an initial commitment. I believe that the development of emotional intimacy and commitment works as a progressive cycle; you cannot have one without pursuing the other. Lewis as saying “we picture lovers face to face, but friends side by side. I want friends (and perhaps eventually a spouse) who are equally comfortable looking me in the eye as we confide in each other, at my side for our next grand adventure, and at my back for whatever battles we face. ‘But then I was struck with these sickening thoughts: How many men could line up next to me on my wedding day?“Before two people are ready for the responsibility of commitment, they should content themselves with friendship and wait on deep emotional intimacy.Exercising this patience will not handicap them relationally.In friendship, they can practice the skills of relating, caring, and sharing their lives with other people.In friendship, they can observe other people’s characters and begin to see what they’ll one day want in their mates” Dear Josh, I don’t know about our readers, but relating to my friends, caring for them, and sharing in the joys and sorrows of their lives sounds like a fairly good definition of emotional intimacy.